Truputis ramybės - ir vėl nežinojimas kuo būt. Savimi - per daug neįdomu ir nuobodu. Kažkuo kitu - per lėkšta ir šlykštu. Vėl kamuoja nuotykių troškimai, noras pakeisti aplinką. Bent kiek. Tas pačias senas vietas galva sugeba paversti  visiškai naujas, su keliais idealais, tačiau neatmeta nepanaikina niekaip to beviltiškumo jausmo. Bad luck everywhere... Negaliu sakyti, kad ta bad luck reiškiasi visame kame. Nejaučiu, jog ji mane stalkintų all day everyday, tačiau ji niekada nepamiršta užsukti pas mane, kai aplink vyksta rimti dalykai. Ir bėda dar yra ta, kad jos neįmanoma įgnoruot.
I cannot be like others, can't even look at stupid bitches that are dressed up theirselves like barbies or flowers or stuff. I'm totally oposite. Now guess, who cares? Who notices my efforts of being different, of being me? No one. You're right. Becouse everyone is 'different', everyone is 'weird'.

17

Fellin' so wasted.. feelin' so goooodd~

This is not normal

The moon is a bit over the buildings, over the horizon. My minds are somewhere here. The boundless starry sky is above  me again. My minds are a bit further than they were before. Music, moon and sky. My minds are somewhere there~ I miss my feelings. But only one thing that can reach that string is.. words that I heard. I can't get used to them. I can't loose my hope not to be lonely. But I guess It's my fate, to be with someone I don't like. Doesn't matter how hard I could try or wait silently sitting on my butt, nothing changes. People that I like are far away.. Not even practically. No one will like me if like them. I can cry, cry again, stay calm, don't give a fuck, be myself or be someone else.. I won't be happy.
Happiness is being with people that you can talk with about same interests, being with people that won't ever turn against you or do something to hurt you. Music is also a very important part of happiness. It helps to figure out some things, brings some good ideas to solve one or another problem. But being with people, spending your spare time with them, doing  things that are as crazy as you are, sharing information that is interesting to all of you is impossible to me... Yes, my only way to happiness is music.. It's the thing that doesn't belong to anyone else, you can reach it anywhere. But when I see people who have always been by my side are now talking behind my back.. Damn, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Then I start thinking - there were a lot signs which were trying to warn me that we were no fit to each other, even if we pretended being friends. Being best friends.. Since our childhood~ But you just can't stop pretending, you are totally used to it! Becouse you were doing this since .. Since a long time ago.
I have never thought about that. Not until few months ago. I didn't care about that, but now I'm realising that I'm so lonely.. No true friends around. Only few acquaintances. One real friend is literally far away.
Okay. Texting all day, asking what is up, sharing information than connects us both, he is opposite
 sex than I am, 
he is handsome, has all the qualities that I like. 
And this person is totally inaccessible. I could try to get more his attention, but I just can't seem 
pesky and pathetic 
to anyone. EVEN WHEN I DON'T HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE AT STUFF LIKE THAT! 
Sometimes I have a feeling that is some kind of curse. Becouse that 'inaccessible man' thing 
happened to my mother 
too .Hell yeah, and I want to get wasted all the time. Then I wouldn't need any real happyness, I would 
have satisfied myself easy enough. But now.. D:<

So good to be bad

Bad.. Does it mean to stand out of law or.. Stand of religion? Don't pay much attention at moral stuff or make sins? Or not giving any fucks about society?
No feelings. None of stupid things can reach that responsive string which makes you weak. What happening? Is it bad? Bad again? Some of things you believe in, makes you feel like that. Makes you strong and helps you not to be weeper. Then everything seems so easy and high, that height seems like it's on your fingertips, you can even scream. But first - you mustn't be weeper. And look from all the corners. Can't say IF possible, becouse everything is possilble, just need to desire that.
I could also say that everything is possible.. But I'd lie. Just not for me. I can want as much as I want, I can even do something to reach my goal.. You say everything is possible if you want a lot. And I know that also, but I can't live like that, I keep it just like an idea, a phrase.. I can say for others, help them with their problems if they are on their life's crossroad, but me.. I can't help for myself. I'm so hopeless.

Flame on!

I am one, one that shines

Yeah, I was born of a scorpion´s mind

I am one, so alive

Don´t try to teach me what your lips can´t decide

I´m the sun, so alive

A simple breath´s all I need to get by

Words you speak are like dirt in my mind

I´m gonna burn till all the stars die

Sup, Anarchists?

I've been searching for some thing for long time. I can't really name them, coz I don't know how. The feel, the motivation to keep on moving against the flow. And when I realised what anarchy really is, I felt that I'm a step closer to that thing which I am looking for.
Screw jerks immediately - now it's much easier. When you realise that you are the boss here, not them.
Yeah, I used to be OK with these scumbacks.. Used to ignore jerkness and other shitty things. Well.. FUCK IT! I don't care what other'd think about me or how 'unfriendly', 'uninteligent' I am. And I never did. Well.. just a little, ,but not anymore. Just no god damned more.
You motherfuckers are disguisting.

Where the hell I should spend Easter?

Btw, 80's, you'd were era of good music, be proud

Hsntorzoi, Hsntorzosi mrksil qsm dqrhrmiū.