A typical page of a diary

Morning starts with me opening my eyes. If they open unconsciously without me controlling the process it means that it's time to get up. I Turn my eyes automatically to the window hoping to see a big shadow because it means that the sun is emerging over the mountains. But the shadow is not there. It is floating everywhere.

Standing only in my sleeping shirt by the window and considering the possibility to go for a slight jog but since it's morning it's not that difficult to choose whether you wanna go to sweat or spend a cozy and comfortable time before work with a cup of morning beverage made of lemon, lukewarm water, ginger and honey and then the shower of a perfect temperature.

Spending my last days in this lovely town. Next week I'm off to a bigger city with new possibilities, new people and more sun. I have had my angels everywhere around me lately, they use to appear in numbers. These signs make me rely on the present more and feel very confident about myself and my decisions hence I don't feel depended on anyone or anything but the subtle inner me that would never let me down. I'm grounded here and now with all my pieces, they are all here, presence is complete. It's one of the best feelings in the world.

Trying not to relate other people to my happiness because it's really selfish of me. It doesn't work neither hence it's a waste of time. I can attract situations, material things without souls but trying to evolve an exact person would mean me stealing their freedom, a thing that I would never give up myself.

So there is a small bit of thinking to be made. And I finally bring some order to this blog with a new theme, new posts that perhaps are a bit easier to understand. It's not only for people who are reading it, it's also for me to see some kind of pattern in my thoughts using blog as a map. I wouldn't put any order here if there was no one who read it so thanks for those couple of views I get! x))


Have a couple of resolutions for my near future. Do my best at the new job, enjoy Ålesund, learn more things, stay classy and visit Gatebil!

Random is not that random. Mess is not a mess if it has a meaning

I really like having everything organized. It kills me a little bit when good stuff that I care about is not in a right order. This blog is a mess. Here are a lot of dark thoughts from the early beginning of thinking and that broken English. Why do I write stuff in this language? Firstly, I consider it being kind of a challenge or even training hence it's a part where I keep going further towards education and perfection. Secondly, sometimes I rather find better English words to express what I really want to say. And well.. Lithuanian I use for making art. Norwegian is my ''working'' language that is used for daily chats not going anywhere deeper. But English. I keep catching myself forgetting structures, idioms or even words. Especially it happens when I'm talking to this one person.

I know I could do better talking with him. But my brain simply keeps lagging. And I know that it is only psychological, my subconscious is playing annoying little games with me from time to time. I'm trying to fight against that babbling but it just makes it worse. I am in a total peace when we are not talking but it seems that I have so much to say. Might it be that my soul actually recognizes that frequency and enjoys flawless communication shutting down all the unnecessary noises coming from the mouth that tries to follow the relationship rules and considers the silence between two people being awkward or so dangerous that it might even kill?

This man has so much to say. I have so much time to listen.
I would love to give a lot. But not sure if he needs it yet.

Whatever happens, it will always turn out to be in my favor. Either our souls keep talking with each other or the restless mind kills this relationship. It will make me stronger anyways. Even the feeling that I am experiencing being with him encourages me to go forward knowing that such thing exists. This feeling encourages me to look, explore, wait and be patient. One soul takes care of another and smooths the rough surface of insecurity and self-doubt.


I really like how random my thoughts go through the web of possibilities. It certainly helps me to come up to some conclusions. Sometimes I even make me some closures. Always have to write everything in a positive way, though. The power of the mind is incredible and it keeps increasing while analysed and expressed further.